It's my birthday today but...

How does one know?

I Wana Shout Out To The World

Caught you attention huh?=p Well ok.. not many of you will think what I'm about to say as something HUGELY BIG or even remotely WOW.. but still.. It is to me..soo <smiles> hehe..

Okay okay.. On to that thing I wana shout out.. hahah.. Hmm... Erm.... forgot lioa... Nah... jk jk...

Here it is.. I actually Just finish cleaning my toilet!=D hahha.. At like 11:24pm.. Got back late from outing.. ohh.. Also another thing I’m excited about=) Ok..It’s not the act of cleaning the toilet but I guess it's the attitude I took.. Over past few months.. God been doing a renovation with my heart.. EXTREME make over even lol.. It's like.. He intentionally chooses not to change my circumstance despite the tears I've tried to cry.. Lol.. And the frustrations I've felt and the prayers I've prayed... But.. The moment I choose to let go of my stubborn ways... and let God deal with my heart attitude... soo much has changed since=p hahaha..

One I want to give all Glory and praise to God is my job! If you know me... I use to whine and complain about the work I did.. Well.. People at work mostly would get to hear it.. lol.. But yeah.. I was miserable.. was  so VERY close to writing a song about it=p haha.. About WebCT and the joys of it.. Most prob get sued hahahaha... meh.. But yeah.. A day after my close friend's bday.. I had an epihany in the morning on the way to work.... added on to the couple I had the night before. Wow... lol... I felt so blessed that night... felt so close to God=) felt like finally I see the light at the end of my dark tunnel... everything just clicked... then... in the morning... what God had to say to me was kinda OUCH lol.. Well... I realise how in the wrong I've been behaving at work...

wana know what God told me?

Here it is...

over the few days before. He's been showing me verses about not complaining and grumbling or doing things begrudgingly... didnt really hit me... then... had ones about how we working for God and not for men.. And then the other one was the Joy of the Lord is my strength... and a couple of others. Didn’t hit me... till that faithful day...

This is what I got from that epiphany...

"Grace I've put you in that project for a season for a reason... If you complain and grumble like the others... how do you shine my light in that place? Aren’t you behaving like one of them who live with out my joy? Let my joy be your strength...”

oooooo... I soo got told by God.. Soo.. 1st thing I decided to do as apologise to God... and kept meditating on those words... next day I went in to work with a different attitude... and went to talked to my project Manager about it... Said that I'm sorry for all the complaining I’ve done and my attitude... told him that God told that I need to change my attitude... My project manager was kinda surprised.. Really.. cos he thought I was doing excellent work as is.. But little did he know I was capable of so much more..;) Well. He told me he understands how I was feeling and why I was complaining... so in the following weeks... I put my head down and worked hard as if working for God... not for men... works really=) soo.. After couple of months we finally finish the WebCT migration project... PRAISE GOD=) hehe.. On to more CE6 work.. weee.. lol.. Yeah.. By this time.. Our whole team was just like.. BLAH.. hahah… We can’t be stuffed anymore.. But I knew this was my God given opportunity to rise up above the rest.. Let God’s joy shine through.. Now on to BSB.. and it’s something I’ve done before.. I seem to be the pioneer for the project since I stared a couple of months before the rest.. So now armed with the joy of the Lord I decided to put it into visible action=) hehe.. I didn’t really enjoy he work. But I took on the attitude that when asked about the project I’ll smile and say its all good=) Learnt to focus on the positive instead of how much I hated it:P hehe.. So.. I did the work fast and efficiently.. Developed several courses.. till they didn’t have anymore for me=p hahah.. soo now I have what we call down time.. Great for PD I.e. Personal Development.. Decided to learn to become an LMS a higher level Dev.. Learnt J query in my own time..=) was fun. But there’s only so much Jquery one can do really.. soo decided to do a how to guide for BSB=D GRINZ.. working on the project as long as I have and keeping all my little notes.. I decided to leave my legacy.. So instead of improving my self in my down time.. I decided to give of one self to the team.. to help them achieve a higher standard product via teaching them the way of Grace.. haha.. I’m being silly now I know.. This is how Great and AMAZING God is;) Not knowing that He’s been working in the background with the higher power at work.. ;) They wanted me for another project team.. but my PM refuse to let them have me…

Soo by the time I’ve finished the How to guide. This took about 2 weeks to establish the core information and another 2 weeks to making any final changes as suggested by my Project officer and LMS. In this time.. there was a new Dev.. like really new to being a developer. He is sure one blessed young guy.. lol.. from IT to Dev.. wow.. no formal education also.. So.. with that down time. I also took him under my wing and trained him up in the ways of Developing.. Showed him all my shortcuts and just systems I’ve developed for my self to use. It was an amazing experience.. I was really enjoying my project now.. with the new stuff and just looking after a new Dev.. In the midst of all this.. I was called down to my Line manager’s office.. thought I was in trouble or something.. but no.. they are offering me a chance to be in a whole different area.. from VET to K12.. way more challenges.. <GULP> I was excited and at the same time wondered if I was good enough… Decided to go for it and trust in God to provide=) So far He’s always been faithful and true=) Loving my desk and the team I’m in.. Haha.. had to do some blah jobs..  But with joy of the Lord and the new attitude I took on.. It’s been so much easier.. They are appreciative of the work I’m doing to bring the product to a whole new level.. Lets jus say the product was meant for checking by QC but pages were missing.. Thank God for the wisdom and ability to solve the problem.. I reckon it’s the training I’ve got. Ie doing all the correction work for WebCT migration project that I’m able to do this work easily=) Its fun really atm.. I aim to one story board at a time.. going over it in 2 colours.. yellow for content that’s in there that’s been dev correctly and blue for the ones I’ve had to change and add in=D weee.. fun fun.. I feel such a sense of achievement=)

I know I’ve typed a lot. If you didn’t get anything from that.. Just want to encourage you to keep pressing on in God in your current circumstances.. God can take it away in a blink of an eye but He’s choose to cultivate Jesus like characteristic in you through one’s circumstances.. and Doesn’t mean that you develop it that you’ll never face that type of circumstance again.. but you’ll find it easier to deal with=) My prayer for you is that you run to God when trouble hits.. and God will be your 1^st port of call..  Hope this has encouraged you=)

Agape love,

Grace-yi

I'm Back Again.. lol..

Been a While..Some innocence lost..

Hmm.. It has been a while since I did any blogging.. here I sit in front of the screen.. Only hours before tomorrow comes.. wow.. so much has happened since my accident. Life just goes on.. Both good and bad.. Had a fair few of ups and downs.. when you think that things can't get any worst.. they usually do.. But all in all.. It's a testiment of how faithful and good God is in all of this.. I'm still here and alive.. Not the person I was but I'm learning to apprecaite this journey of becomming who I trully can be.

Don't know why I feel like crying at night.. Things are not so bad for me.. I have friends who love me, family who cares.. yet.. still.. somewhere deep inside.. I'm broken.. hurting.. I go tru random seasons.. where in brief seasons I'm together, life can't be better. then all of a sudden, seems like the floor been removed under me and I fall to the pits.. I hate my self during those seasons.. but I'm still learning to see how God is using those times in my life.. to help me be more compassionate..

Well I do see why I had to go tru what I've been tru.. But what I don't get is why I'm still down here? I've written like so many songs as it is.. yet.. I wonder if I'll ever be whole again.. I feel like 2nd hand goods..used and thrown out.. Only encouragement is that there are places like salvation army and good sammy who collects such goods and people still want them.. If you are lost at this moment.. then haha.. dun worry.. I'm just on one of my rambling.. A part of me is missing too and I also learnt some stuff.. It's all soo complicated.. Realising that the me I've been.. may not really been the real me.. or maybe the me I'm now.. is not the true me.. hahah.. I duno..

Dear God, it feels so lonely on the shelf.. I know you have yet to repair me.. and it's not gonna be pain free.. Can you please take that broken piece away from me till the right time? Put it in a safe place, fix it. and then.. yeah.. when a buyer comes.. put it back or something.. I give up.. I really dunno.. one is clear, i'm not good, i'm not bad.. i'm jus me.. hmm.. I wonder if there is anyone out there who'll love me for me..

Okay.. It's bizzare how come I'm feeling this way.. considering my dreams are coming true.. well slowly but surely.. I have my 2nd ever live performance.. How exciting.. but here I am blogging and jus feel like crying.. Man.. my emotions are like so messed up.. God can you please deal with them too? Thanks=)

In it's place, can I please have your love, joy and peace? Cool.. kk